One year ago

My title is slightly deceiving. It's just over a year ago, but that didn't sound as catchy so we'll run with the above.

Anyways.

About a year ago, after a few trips back and forth to see the urologist, I underwent varicocele surgery - a day surgery procedure - in the hopes that it might make a difference in bringing some swimmers out of hiding.

To be honest, I don't really remember too much. There was arriving the night before and settling into the hotel with my wife. You see, since we had to travel into a major city for the surgery and travel post-surgery was recommended to be kept to a minimum for a day or two, we opted to stay close to the hospital. The next morning it was an early start that involved lots of paperwork. Then there was the waiting. And some more waiting. And some more waiting after that. I remember that I was starting to get hungry but couldn't have anything to eat prior to the surgery. Finally it was time to go in. But before that, a quick chat with my urologist, then some other guy who had, you guessed it, more paperwork for me.

I remember my wife's face as she tried not to cry as they took me down the hall for the surgery. I remember a kiss or two and some "I love yous." And then that's it. I remember waking up afterwards. I was groggy, but really not too bad. My wife tells me that the surgery took longer than expected (nothing major - just a bit trickier on one varicocele than the urologist anticipated). She said that the waiting was hell. I remember having to eat and pee before we could leave. Yours truly was a pro in both requirements. I vaguely remember the taxi ride back to the hotel and getting back into our room. I do remember the burger I had for dinner that night and how good it was. And also how shocked my wife was that I could actually eat (and not barf) all that food.

I was tender for a couple of days but the pain meds helped. So did all the movies we watched and the TLC from my wife. Within a couple of weeks or so, I was pretty much back to normal and even the urologist was impressed by my healing capabilities when I saw him for a follow-up.

I knew going into the surgery that for my particular case of azoospermia, the surgery probably wouldn't make a difference.

So why did I do it?

Well, for one, we were very fortunate that the surgery was completely covered. So in that sense, money wasn't holding us back.

Also, there would always be that question of "What if?" I would always wonder what could've been.

Mostly I did it for us. And I don't regret it one bit.