An Irish guy walks into the urologist's office...

On Monday I had my visit with the urologist (whom I will call Dr. Balls for reasons that I'm sure are more than explanatory). As usual, we had to wait a bit to see Dr. Balls, he's a busy guy. But he's a good guy, so we were happy to wait.

While waiting, my wife and I played a game we like to call "Balls and Prostate" where we try and (quietly) guess who's at the urologist for what reason. Not that we ever get to find out if we're right. But it passes the time. I highly recommend it the next time you're waiting around at the urologist's office!

It's been just over a year since I had my varicocele surgery. Remember, varicoceles are large blood vessels that can essentially turn your balls into a hot tub for sperm. Not good. Bet your doctor never explained it that way! But you know me, keepin' it real on the male IF side of things.

Anyways, the surgery was always considered - for me - a long shot. To be clear, some of you guys out there may really benefit from this procedure and it could really change your situation so definitely listen and talk to your doctor. But in my particular case, Dr. Balls has not seen any significant changes.

So now my azoospermia has been classified as a result of testicular failure. Yes my friends, I am a failure. Or as my wife so kindly pointed out, "You're NOT a failure honey. Your balls might be, but never you." That's my girl!

I had to do more bloodwork to see where my hormone levels are at and I will have to do another semen analysis (SA) to see if any swimmers are in the pool. At that point, if we find any, we may start freezing them should we decide to go the route of ICSI. But until I do this next SA we won't even know if that's viable.

This probably sounds a lot more depressing than I'm feeling. I actually feel pretty good. We knew the surgery was pretty much a snowball's chance in hell for me, but at least we're not left wondering "What if?" Maybe we'll have one or two of the wee boys to freeze and potentially use to create family. Maybe we won't.

No matter what though, we will have our family some day. It may not be the "traditional" way but who cares. Maybe it's time we start defining new ways of creating family - be it IUI, IVF, ICSI, donor eggs or sperm, adoption, surrogacy, etc. - as the new traditional. Equally valid and full of potential blessings.

Just my $0.01 for the day. Cheers.

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Alone time

Why is male infertility so fantastic?

Easy!

Think of the numerous sperm tests you get to have! Yes, the good ol' semen analyis (SA). You know what that means, gentlemen, "alone time." Just you and "Righty." Or "Lefty." Or both. But I really don't want to know about that.

As a young Catholic boy, I was taught that masturbation was bad. BAD! Thanks to Monty Python, we good catholics remember that "every sperm is sacred." (More on that later.)

But now with all of the trips to the urologist and the fertility clinic you can have as much "alone time" as you can imagine and in public places no less! Who knew male infertility could be so - er - pleasurable?

Now I'll admit, trying to "get things on", by yourself, in some random clinical lab room isn't always easy. But sometimes they even leave "stuff" for us to help out!

Though if you take advantage of that I only have three words for you: hand sanitizer afterwards.

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No sperm for you!

An azoo diagnosis or any diagnosis that suggests that all may not be well in "Man Town" is distressing. But it doesn't mean you can't laugh a little bit.

I promised to look at male infertility with humour - AND - from a guy's point of view.

I will try and make some serious reflections now and again. But if the world loves a good joke about 'da junk, then have I got some for you. Stay tuned.

No sperm for you! Come back, two weeks!

Sounds a bit like my first sperm analysis.

Next!

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The Face of Male Infertility

So what does a guy with male infertility look like?

Well, if you're a guy, take a look in the mirror - he could look like you. In other words, there's no particular 'type' that male factor infertility (MFI) strikes.

You could be short or tall. Fat or skinny. You could be athletic or not. Bald or sporting a full head o' hair. Maybe you wear glasses or contacts. Or not. You might be a little bit country or a little bit rock n' roll.

You get the idea.

What surprised me most about my visits to the urologist was just how many guys were there because of male infertility and how different we all were. No one attribute or characteristic linked us to one another.

I honestly expected to walk into a waiting room full of old men with prostate issues. Yeah, some of those guys were there too and not all of the young guys may have been there for fertility stuff but there were quite a few. Often accompanied by a female partner, looking anxious, just like us. And a little relieved when they too realized that they weren't the only ones out there dealing with this.

The IF guys were confirmed when we all fell into the assembly line of following each other down to the lab for blood work, then back to the urologist's office for further instructions, waiting one at time to be scheduled for ultrasounds and the like.

It was quite comforting in a really weird way. When I first got my azoospermia diagnosis, I honestly thought, "I am the only guy on the face of the planet who has absolutely no sperm."

It was only after that visit to the urologist and my subsequent forays on the Internet into the world of male infertility that I realized I wasn't the only guy out there.

This whole male IF thing wasn't exactly what I had in mind - but at least I know now it's not a club of one. And now you do too.

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Dude looks like a lady

When entering the world of male infertility you have to be prepared for the unexpected.

For example, did you know that Clomid is a drug that can be taken by both female and male infertility patients?

In the months leading up to and after my varicocele surgery, my urologist put me on a drug called Arimidex. It most often is used as a hormonal treatment for post-menopausal women but it is also used in the treatment of breast cancer.

So how does this relate to male infertilty? In short? I have no clue. It relates to a balancing of hormones for sure, but like I said, I'm no doctor and am not about to pretend that I am.

When I first got the prescription and was reading through all of the literature that came with it, I'll admit, I was confused. Nowhere in the information did it say anything about male fertility. In fact, I was so sure that there must have been some kind of mix up, I emailed my urologist to be sure I got the right thing.

He assured me I did. And no, I wouldn't grow boobs. Dammit!

You know, kind of like this, every guy's fantasy...

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