What Do You Mean, "No Sex?!"

I know that I probably won't get much support from the ladies out there when I moan and groan about my upcoming semen analysis (SA) on Monday.

Yes, I know your tests are much worse. Yes, I know that your tests are much more invasive. More painful. More awkward.

I will give you all that. And then some. No arguments.

But the SA is no walk in the park either! Even tossing aside the embarrassment of walking into the lab and trying to work up the courage to do the deed with Mr. Righty or Mr. Lefty, the SA is absolutely, positively no fun.

Why? Two words. No sex. The two scariest word to ever be uttered to a man. What do you mean, no sex? You mean for a few hours? Minutes?

Wait. You mean days? As in plural? As in a possible multitude of days?

Yes, I have been banished to the land of no sex until my SA on Monday. This is brutal. I'm a guy. I have needs.

My wife rolled her eyes and laughed when I lamented this news.

But surely someone out there feels a tiny bit sorry for me?

Someone? Anyone?

Read more...

Alone time

Why is male infertility so fantastic?

Easy!

Think of the numerous sperm tests you get to have! Yes, the good ol' semen analyis (SA). You know what that means, gentlemen, "alone time." Just you and "Righty." Or "Lefty." Or both. But I really don't want to know about that.

As a young Catholic boy, I was taught that masturbation was bad. BAD! Thanks to Monty Python, we good catholics remember that "every sperm is sacred." (More on that later.)

But now with all of the trips to the urologist and the fertility clinic you can have as much "alone time" as you can imagine and in public places no less! Who knew male infertility could be so - er - pleasurable?

Now I'll admit, trying to "get things on", by yourself, in some random clinical lab room isn't always easy. But sometimes they even leave "stuff" for us to help out!

Though if you take advantage of that I only have three words for you: hand sanitizer afterwards.

Read more...

No sperm for you!

An azoo diagnosis or any diagnosis that suggests that all may not be well in "Man Town" is distressing. But it doesn't mean you can't laugh a little bit.

I promised to look at male infertility with humour - AND - from a guy's point of view.

I will try and make some serious reflections now and again. But if the world loves a good joke about 'da junk, then have I got some for you. Stay tuned.

No sperm for you! Come back, two weeks!

Sounds a bit like my first sperm analysis.

Next!

Read more...

Dude looks like a lady

When entering the world of male infertility you have to be prepared for the unexpected.

For example, did you know that Clomid is a drug that can be taken by both female and male infertility patients?

In the months leading up to and after my varicocele surgery, my urologist put me on a drug called Arimidex. It most often is used as a hormonal treatment for post-menopausal women but it is also used in the treatment of breast cancer.

So how does this relate to male infertilty? In short? I have no clue. It relates to a balancing of hormones for sure, but like I said, I'm no doctor and am not about to pretend that I am.

When I first got the prescription and was reading through all of the literature that came with it, I'll admit, I was confused. Nowhere in the information did it say anything about male fertility. In fact, I was so sure that there must have been some kind of mix up, I emailed my urologist to be sure I got the right thing.

He assured me I did. And no, I wouldn't grow boobs. Dammit!

You know, kind of like this, every guy's fantasy...

Read more...