NIAW

Wow, has it been this long since I blogged? If any of you are still out there reading, I promise that I haven't fallen off the face of the earth. In my blogging absence, my wife and I had another dIUI cycle which sadly resulted in a BFN. I'm embarrassed to admit that we're now at the point of triggering for this next cycle and she's heading in for a dIUI on Saturday morning.

But I'm back.

I was going to brag about my superior injection skills, because really, they are good. And hey, give a guy with no sperm a break. I need to be able to brag about something in the process of getting my wife knocked up, right?!

But this week marks National Infertility Awareness Week or NIAW for short. The blogosphere has been awash with some really amazing and honest posts about infertility. As we come to the end of the week, I thought that I might take a moment to share my thoughts.

To be honest, until my diagnosis, I'm not really even sure if I knew that guys could experience infertility. So to be diagnosed was an unwelcome slap of reality. Over 40% of infertility cases are male-related. Some male fertility issues can be corrected, others aided by medical intervention. Mine cannot. To face the knowledge that there is no chance of me ever fathering my own children naturally and an extremely small percent of a chance that I could do so with even the most advanced medical intervention is still hard to swallow. I won't pretend that I understand the longing that women have to be mothers. But I can tell you the longing that I have to be a father. It's like an unquenchable thirst, a desire to be something more than I am and share a love that I cannot even begin to articulate.

I know that the decision that my wife and I have made to pursue our family with the help of donor sperm would not be for everyone. I'm not wanting us to debate this here. I firmly believe that in this world of infertility we will all make different choices and the choices that we make are right for us. I have been grateful to receive support and not judgement in my brief blogging time. The infertility community has become a special place for me. It is where we lift one another up, cheer each other on, and hold each other close on the days when we feel most wounded.

As we embark on this next dIUI, I know with every fibre of my being that should we be lucky enough to receive positive news in a couple of weeks, that child will be as much a part of me as she/he is my wife's. 100% of my heart and soul goes into our child that could be.

As for our donor, and for all of the men and women who donate a part of themselves to help others achieve the greatest of dreams, on this NIAW I thank you.

Infertility has made me a very lucky man.

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March ICLW

A big hello to all of my regular blog readers and to those who might be stopping by via ICLW. Welcome! The long and the short: I'm an Irish guy married to a Canadian girl living here in the Great White North. I have azoospermia (no sperm); she has PCOS. Together we're attempting to start a family with the help of donor sperm and IUIs.

Unfortunately our last cycle resulted in a BFN so we're starting over yet again. The result of our last cycle was rather tough on the both of us. Everything came together so well, I'd be lying if I didn't confess that our hopes were definitely up.

But together we look towards the future and another opportunity to create the family we both want so very much. Here's hoping that this next cycle is the one. I make myself useful by giving the best intramuscular (I.M.) injections in town. It's true. The self-proclaimed "Injection Master" is back in the game, baby! Injections start up again on Wednesday.

Thanks for stopping by! I hope that you'll consider sticking around. My goal is to bring a male perspective to male infertility because I don't just get it, I live it. We definitely need more men blogging about this - here's hoping that I can support and maybe even inspire someone else to share their story.

Cheers and Happy ICLW!

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Trigger Time!

Tonight I complete my (self-proclaimed) reign as Injection Master and it is fine with me.

With three lovely mature follicles, at 9:30 p.m. tonight we will do our last shot of this cycle and then hope upon hope that it is the one. My wife has her IUI on Friday morning.

She's nervous. Her usual doctor can't do it and she hasn't had much luck with the one who will be performing the procedure.

But I am hoping that against all odds one of these little follicles comes through for us.

Thanks to all of you for your kind comments and hopeful words. Know that they are appreciated by both of us. If you could spare a good thought or two for us in the coming days, know that they would equally be appreciated.

Cheers to you all!

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Injection Master

I am self-proclaiming myself the "Injection Master" because I'd like to think I am mastering the art of giving a good shot while my lovely wife endures the more painful end of intramuscular (IM) injections. If this were an Olympic event, I think that I'd be in close contention for the gold.

My wife hates needles. Hates them. No one really likes them do they? I don't. But I don't really mind them either. My wife, however, is terrified of them. If you had asked us ten years ago if we ever saw ourselves doing at-home injections we both probably would have laughed you out of the room. For her to be going through all of this is just amazing to me. She is such a trooper and I am awed by her and all of you that go through the many, many injections.

Since she is doing hers via IM, it's easier for me to give them, and in her case it's the only way she'll ever get them done (her words). We've been doing pretty well with them this cycle, though one or two nights have been more painful than others and I always feel horrible on those particular nights. It's not payback from the Provera I swear.

The great news is that she has been responding really well to the meds this time and has at least three contenders for her upcoming IUI. At the rate we're going, that's probably going to happen by the middle of next week or so.

I am feeling really good about this cycle. It feels different from the others. Things just seem to be coming together better. I don't know if it's this combination of meds, just luck, or my master injection skills, but I'm hoping it all adds up to some good news in a few weeks!

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February ICLW

Happy ICLW everyone! I'm glad to be participating again and I hope to do more commenting than I usually do. If you're here for the first time, welcome. If you've been here before, thanks for coming back!

Quick ttc background: I'm 38, my wife is 34. We're trying to conceive our first child and have been on this quest for over four years. My wife has PCOS and I was diagnosed in the last year and a half with azoospermia, or no sperm. After varicocele surgery (ouch), numerous tests and drug therapy with no new results, we made the decision to go forward using donor sperm. I know that this would not be every one's cup of tea but this is what I love about the blogging world. We can all make different choices, but we can still all support each other just the same.

Other background: I'm Irish, born and raised. I came to Canada just over ten years ago when I married my lovely wife. I started this blog to help other guys (and their partners) get a glimpse into male infertility from a guy's perspective. I also blog with my wife over at Conceive so please stop by there too.

After taking a number of months off, my wife and I are back to fertility treatments this month for dIUI #3. She is currently in the midst of a protocol of Femara and Follistim. She is also not a fan of needles AT ALL so I'll be blogging about my experience on the other end of the needle in an upcoming post.

Again, thank you for stopping by. I hope that you'll consider staying a while by becoming a blog follower. I promise to take some time this week to ensure that I'm following all of you new followers back.

Happy ICLW everyone. Please keep your fingers crossed for us this cycle.

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Happy Birthday to Me

Yes, it's my birthday. On Groundhog Day. Please don't ask me if I saw my shadow.

Thanks to those who have already left me birthday wishes, I really appreciate it!

I am now 38 and I can hardly believe that I'm nearing the end of my thirties. I'd like to think though that like a fine wine, I am getting better with age.

I had a lovely albeit busy day. My wife and I are gearing up for the next dIUI cycle. She starts Provera tomorrow and I likely will go into hiding once the mood swings start! (Sorry honey, but you admitted it yourself and told me it was okay to post this!) After that, we have a good plan thanks to our RE and will move forward with that.

Here's hoping that this month brings us my birthday wish.

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New Year, New Look

Now that it's officially 2010, I can wish you Happy New Year! I hope that this is the year that all of our dreams come true. Fertility and otherwise.

With the New Year comes a new look. I'll be honest. I'm not really that creative so I just chose a new template via Blogger. But I'm hoping it's fresh and easier to read. Feedback is appreciated. Or better yet, if you're a blog designer who totally wants to overhaul my blog (for free!), I'm your guy!

As I've mentioned before, my wife and I also blog for Conceive and have a new post up. You can read our latest by clicking here. If you do stop by and read, please leave us a comment saying hello so that we know that you did!

Still quiet on the fertility front here. My wife goes for a glucose intolerance test (aka the test that determines diabetes) on Wednesday morning. Her family has a history of Type II diabetes and with her PCOS and insulin resistance issues, the PCOS specialist wanted her to get this checked out a little more thoroughly. She had to go off of her Metformin for over a month in order to get accurate test results and is eager to get back on it. We'll find out her test results in early February when she sees the specialist again. Keep your fingers crossed for her!

We're also aiming to start fertility treatments again in late January/early February. Here's hoping our third dIUI is a charm. You know I'll keep you posted.

Happy 2010 everyone!

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