NIAW

Wow, has it been this long since I blogged? If any of you are still out there reading, I promise that I haven't fallen off the face of the earth. In my blogging absence, my wife and I had another dIUI cycle which sadly resulted in a BFN. I'm embarrassed to admit that we're now at the point of triggering for this next cycle and she's heading in for a dIUI on Saturday morning.

But I'm back.

I was going to brag about my superior injection skills, because really, they are good. And hey, give a guy with no sperm a break. I need to be able to brag about something in the process of getting my wife knocked up, right?!

But this week marks National Infertility Awareness Week or NIAW for short. The blogosphere has been awash with some really amazing and honest posts about infertility. As we come to the end of the week, I thought that I might take a moment to share my thoughts.

To be honest, until my diagnosis, I'm not really even sure if I knew that guys could experience infertility. So to be diagnosed was an unwelcome slap of reality. Over 40% of infertility cases are male-related. Some male fertility issues can be corrected, others aided by medical intervention. Mine cannot. To face the knowledge that there is no chance of me ever fathering my own children naturally and an extremely small percent of a chance that I could do so with even the most advanced medical intervention is still hard to swallow. I won't pretend that I understand the longing that women have to be mothers. But I can tell you the longing that I have to be a father. It's like an unquenchable thirst, a desire to be something more than I am and share a love that I cannot even begin to articulate.

I know that the decision that my wife and I have made to pursue our family with the help of donor sperm would not be for everyone. I'm not wanting us to debate this here. I firmly believe that in this world of infertility we will all make different choices and the choices that we make are right for us. I have been grateful to receive support and not judgement in my brief blogging time. The infertility community has become a special place for me. It is where we lift one another up, cheer each other on, and hold each other close on the days when we feel most wounded.

As we embark on this next dIUI, I know with every fibre of my being that should we be lucky enough to receive positive news in a couple of weeks, that child will be as much a part of me as she/he is my wife's. 100% of my heart and soul goes into our child that could be.

As for our donor, and for all of the men and women who donate a part of themselves to help others achieve the greatest of dreams, on this NIAW I thank you.

Infertility has made me a very lucky man.